There is some common belief system revealing a strong correlation between the “what to do what” factor. Any country you go - and I have been in quite many- the “what to do when” factor seems constant. It seems universal. What is this factor actually?
Well, everything in life has its time. The most popular of them all is probably the “when to get married” law, adopted seemingly by all nations. Also very very popular is the “when to go to college” and "when to make decisive career choices" law. These two seem to eclipse everything else. Not forgetting of course about the “when to make a child” law. But my main focus is on education, career and the "getting married" law. Big life choices. So big, that they are literally too big for someone in their teens or twenty-something years. However, these life choices will have an effect on your whole life and might even determine your whole life. People getting married in their early twenties get divorced in their thirties or forties. People choosing a certain domain or career path, a certain college or higher education form find themselves completely bored of their life already in their twenties and seem to start out every Monday posting on Facebook a horrified cat face crying out: "it is Monday again!" I don’t really know why a cat would be so horrified of Monday when even Garfield acknowledged that he doesn’t work on Monday so actually, he doesn’t give a shit after all… but hey...must keep the sales up somehow. Jim Davis realized how everybody hates to go to work on Monday, so it was a real selling theme to introduce a cat who hates Mondays. Well done Jim Davis!
But if we were really excited about work, it would be an opportunity for further self-manifestation, self-development, not a burden. But it is s burden. Can’t argue that. And why is it a burden? Because we most probably were forced to make a career choice too early. Or we evolved and now we are interested in something totally different.
I see my life. My education choices. I can not really understand what was in my head when I made them. It could have been nice for a hobby but as a lifelong career? Or what was in the head of my parents to allow me to pursue my choice? Why not even try to talk me out of it? I know that there are some parents who force their will on their children but our family was the exact opposite. My parents never had any even small advice regarding career. No aspect of it. So I made my own decisions and failed in my own decisions. But hey, at least they were mine! There is nobody to blame. Or is it?
Well I don’t really want to blame society for everything because the concept of society is so vague. What is society? You and me. And the neighbor whom I don’t even know. We are the society. Michio Kaku and the cleaning lady. The dude who washes my car and leaves a little dirt behind all the time, Angelina Jolie or my grandmother. We are the society and yet we put “self” pressure on ourselves and we want to obey the rules, even the unwritten ones curbing this way our own happiness.
One might say, that some people are happy with the life choices they have made when they were 18-20-25... Look at Angelina Jolie. Or Michio Kaku. Now that you mentioned. Well yes. Extraordinary. But I asked the dude who washes my car and leaves the little dirt behind and Robin Williams… hey, Robin Williams committed suicide, so we can’t ask him. But the car washer is definitely on the opinion of Robin, he just lives on. The truth is, that few people are truly happy with their life choices made in their twenties. Or before. They just keep doing it because they are afraid of getting themselves into something new, because again society, (let’s recapitulate: Angelina, Michio, the car washer, my grandmother and me) we decided that there isn’t any time anymore to change anything. There was time before, but there is none left now. And that seems to happen after around 30 years of age. So, when you get to have a higher self-esteem, you have more experience, you are in every way cleverer, you see the cause and effect relationships in a much more eloquent way, well sorry, dude! There isn’t any time left anymore to actually implement what you have acquired. All the really important and big choices have already been made. You chose a certain job, certain domain, you chose your life partner and now you are stuck with it forever and ever, till the end of times.
What might be hard to understand is, why on earth we struggle to live longer when the big choices anyway have to be made until we get 30. Period. It doesn’t matter that our lifespan has now increased from 45-50 to 70-80. Why so many people feel empty, worthless, hopeless and lost. They feel in a rut. Bored. Stuck. Why?
Action and life choices imply a lot of stress but they are rewarding, they make you feel alive and have a purpose. Taking a chance, doing something for you and only you is reinvigorating, makes you feel fresh and yes, makes you feel more energetic. But you don’t have anything left. Job taken, partner taken. This is why so many couples fail because all the excitement of doing something new is gone. No thrills anymore. But everybody wants thrills. That makes and keeps up alive. Yes, we all need rest, we all need relaxation from time to time. An equilibrium must be kept, but job/home/nothing is not enough. And then couples might look for thrills. And the easiest thrill is finding another human being who is just as bored as you are and then making your lives miserable together. That makes sense. And then comes the cheating. The lying. The thrill. Because he or she doesn’t understand you anymore. Really? Did he or she understood you when you were 26, but now at 34 let’s say he or she doesn’t understand anymore? Also, you don’t understand. Both of you don’t understand. The thrill is gone. Might not be at all from the relationship. It is from life itself and this “unthrilled” state of mind does install itself exactly because you don’t have anything big anymore together. Career choice is made. Wedding ceremony made. Children are produced. And the next big thing will be the marriage of your own children. That is why parents sometimes force their children to get married and have children. They are too bored now. Every card has been played out, they are too old to run after new irrelevant partners and now the only thrill could be the events in their children’s lives. The next best thing. Yeah, yeah, it is not just that, because parental love means they want their children to be safe and loved. Sure they do. But the “thrill-less” life also plays a part in it.
One must realize, that there are other ways. There is another way to do things. Obeying what others find right, might just not be the best thing to do.
With our lifespan being increased practically we make our life choices much before we should. If in the middle ages they lived till their 50 (some claim 35, some forties or early 50 or sixties – it is not sure but anyway lived less than us in the modern age), and married in their teens, that means that although we introduced the education and the compulsory work factor for both genders, we tend to apply the same rules as in the middle ages. You have to hurry. And if you change your mind, which you probably will, then that’s your problem. Change is never encouraged. Never. If you try to change, people, who also are miserable and would like to change themselves but don’t have the guts for it will say, that you are overdue. Expired like the kidney bean soup.
One take away. There is no rule. No golden rule to when to do what. What do you think, that God made you have a menstrual cycle to keep up till your forties or early fifties, just due to a calculation error?
Change is good. Change is good for you, your relationship, love life, everything. So dare, God made no mistake... and "doesn't play dice either", said Mr. E.